Check

Nathan's post reminded me of how much of our identity, perhaps even our memory is affected by those that we spend time with. Teresa is away, she is on a ten day trip through Red Rocks and Zion. This leaves me with... me. Funny how foreign that concept is to me now. Making decisions on my own does not come so naturally anymore. It seems like it used to be easy for me to make decisions, but now I have a set of criteria for when teresa is here and for when teresa is gone. But when teresa is gone for long periods my criteria for decisions necessarily must change.
I, for one reasno or another, spend a lot of time trying to quantify the appropriateness of my behavior while she is gone. I deny myself the ability to hang out with women alone, which teresa has never said anything about. I think that having cheated early in the relationship has really left me terrified of spending time with women. Never thought that would happen. Weird.
I think I should overcome this. Women offer something special, something no man can replace. It is hard to describe but it is a certain sensitivity, a certain energy that tames the adolescent within all of us men. It is good, this thing. I relish it, wade around in the clarifying aura of women, Teresa.

Just a thought.

Surf festival today, I get caught up in competitive expectations. I forgot about this part of myself. I had a lot invested today and we did not win, I won my heat but unfortunately our team lost. This is where it is hard for me, when I perform but others do not perform to my level. Our team did great. They showed that they have come a long way, they scored really well and are amazing for the performance that they put together. The other team just happen to be a bunch of ringers. oh well. I worked out and got high on endorphins and forgot all about it.

Much love yall!

Seth