Anyway, the title and introductory paragraph aren't what I want to talk about. I want to talk about myself, a lot of the time, and I will, but I don't want to seem self centered, because I'm worried about what other people will think. Reading Seth's post is refreshing; I've been caught up in life-after-college stress and several artificial measures of self-worth recently, and having a dose of perspective is much appreciated. Thanks Seth, for writing, even though this post is coming several months later. Stream of conscious writing sesh, activate!
One thing that comes to mind reading Seth's post is that he has assembled a pile of things to be excited about. I wonder to what degree certainty plays a role in happiness when it supports excitement about future prospects. I think it depends on the perception we develop as we age. How many of the things that we were excited about turn out as well as we had hoped? Oh man, that's complicated. To a large degree perspective plays in there as well, in the form of attitude. If you've got a great attitude it don't matta what happens, you make the best of it. BIOGRAPHY TIME.
I worked for PictureTrail, which was for the most part awesome in that I got to work with Alex, I got paid to do art, I got to work from anywhere I wanted (as long as it had internet), I established total financial independence from my parents, and in general the money was kick ass. This lasted from January until September of this year. During my time there I lived in Berkeley, then in Seattle. I tore my A.C.L. and had to navigate our health care system on my own for the first time. I got laid of from my job, which both set me free and made me broke. I travelled to Ft. Myers Florida and worked for Obama's Campaign for Change. Man I really should write about that, it was insane. I can't really imagine any other type of environment where I could work 16 hour days with no weekends for 4 weeks, but a lot was resting on our shoulders. I wanted Obama to be our president, and I needed to do everything I could to make that happen. I'm fucking lucky to have had the chance. After Florida I was flown out to Maryland by The Park School of Baltimore (Jenny's old high school) for a job interview, which was proceeded by many phone interviews and emails, and writing samples and corresponding with old teachers to get recommendations. I was applying to teach a high school biology class while one of the teachers was on maternity leave. I just found out this week that they hired someone with a Ph.D. in Biology who has experience with youth, so I don't feel bad about not getting the job--I had some pretty unbeatable competition. I do hope however that this is not an emerging pattern -- competing with Ph.D.'s -- I don't plan on getting one of those anytime soon. Since my adventures in Florida and Baltimore I've spent a lot of time studying for the GRE, figuring out where I want to go for grad school, and getting ready for my first application deadline. As of Dec. 1st, I became a prospective grad student at UC Berkeley, woot! This is all fluff, because what is really going on is I am really really uncertain about my current approach to life, and I'm pre-mourning the possibility that I won't be a professional artist, making paintings about robots for a living. Of course if I was doing that I'd mourn not being a contributing member of society by teaching kids about the universe, so what I'll end up doing is both, but it will take some time. I've been falling more and more in love with Jenny, and since I have no idea what is going to happen to us after she graduates, I am totally putting off dealing with it. Whatever happens, I think I will be totally unprepared and surprised, which is pretty awesome actually. O.K. the beer is settling in now, which means that this post is probably going to get a lot better. Instead of studying for the CBEST (California Basic Educational Skills Test), I am writing this blog post and drinking Red Stripe, which my housemate Jill bought for me for making some fliers for a protest she's organizing with the union she works for.
Behold:
There is also a Spanish version, which I did not translate, because I no longer have my Spanish skills, yo. So if you need fliers, I am willing to work for beer, or some other concession. So WTF, what's going on you guys? I saw some of you this weekend, which was great, but not all of you. I am glad that we are all on parallel paths, but I crave some convergence soon.
O.k. what else, this is some pretty tasty beer. My physical therapy is really fucking fun, because I feel safe in that environment to really move my body. It's the only place where I can get a really good workout. Plus, there is a certain amount of freedom I feel when I BART and bus over to San Francisco two times a week. I feel like there are so many things I do now that I never used to do, and I don't think twice about it. Actually I feel pretty free overall, but it's probably the beer because when I started writing this post I felt hella confused. Maybe writing this helped get some kinks out though.
Oh yeah, Jobs. Jobs are funny, because I want one, but as soon as I have one I'm going to wish that I was off doing something else. I think some advice I would give to myself would be "Jobs are necessary, get over it, get a job and live your life. Just don't let your job consume you." Accept there's this question of progression that comes into play. I know some of us base a lot of decisions off of this concept career progression and building some sort of cohesive ascending narrative that indicates an impending mastery of some trade or skill. One thing I'm struggling with is piping my experiences into some sort of narrative that illuminates for me what I should next. I think I've pinpointed that to becoming a high school physics teacher, but I'm worried that this is the wrong approach. Maybe I should be more open minded? I think what I need to do is live the next several months of my life as though I'm not going to get into grad school, because I really don't have a clue what will happen. I think that this will allow for the maximum number of possibilities. Who knows, maybe I'll find something to do that will be way more fun than grad school or teaching physics. Man that would be insane, I can't even imagine what that would be. Maybe getting paid to make a graphic novel? Making and selling paintings? O.k. bedtime, I need to not fail this test tomorrow, as it basically tests whether or not you have an almond sized and shaped brain. Almonds!
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