I just took my first breath in weeks.
Breathe in.
I ran out of things to think about.
I look out my window, the snow covers spanish peek. I can hear the doppler effect of passing cars. There is nothing for me to do.
I just was offered what I consider to be my first real job. Though some may disagree. I will be traveling the world kayaking with high schoolers, teaching them math and how to kayak safely. We start in Canada and go to Ecuador and Chile. It is me. Everything I have done for the last 8 years has lead me to this moment. This life choice.
But it means that I am leaving. I am leaving everything behind. It will just be me, alone, with a kayak, traveling to West Virginia to start in August. It is a two year commitment. I never thought I would be this guy. The guy who gives up everything for the river, to have singularity of purpose, to give it all up for the opportunity to live the dream, at least for awhile.
This chance lets me stop. I don't have to worry now. I don't have to figure out how I am going to keep kayaking, I don't have to feel guilty about not having any plan other than kayaking. I don't have to fight against myself with why I don't like public education, why I don't want to be a public school teacher, why I don't want to live the american dream, have kids, a house, anything. That, I am not.
I love the water. I love free thinking, philosophy, mentorship, mutually beneficial relationships. I love math and logic and knowledge and pursuit and excitement and fear and control and breathing.
I will have three students per class, approximately. That is education.
Teresa and I are on a break. There is no reasonable foreseeable end to this break; there is, two years from now, but that is too long to think about. Not now. Perhaps later.
Everything is how I see it now. It could change. Maybe I will want it all later. The life that so many choose. A car, a pet, a 9-5 job, a wife, what some would simply call a life.
So here I am. Breathing. Starting to cry. Another car passes. There is so much to feel and yet it all feels so natural, so smooth. It calms me. The huge shift in my life calms me. I no longer have doubts.
This is it. This is what I have been training for. Kayaking. Math. Leadership. Cooking. Spanish. Vans. Planning. Photography. This is what I want and have wanted, and everything else is a compromise.
Breathe Out
That sounds like a combination of everything you love! Godspeed you magnificent mongoose, but keep in mind that there are infinite variations on public education, which in essence is a free education to all. Granted I agree it is problematic, especially along the lines that you point out -- large class sizes in mind numbing settings. Nothing is more difficult than teaching a kid to want to learn when they are not predisposed to do so, but that is what we all aspire to do.
ReplyDeleteA week ago I was in the woods with a group of 22 7th graders camping for a few days, and the lessons and the connections made were obviously more deeply entrenched in their brains while they were in that setting. Getting kids out into nature is awesome, and I could not imagine a better man for the job than you. My colleague is actually doing his dissertation in outdoor ed, and is looking to integrate it as much as possible into our regular curriculum. I think that when and if you do decide to "settle," you might find that you can still kayak and teach outside, even in the context of public education!
I also want to add that I love you and that Teresa and you are both going to be happy and satisfied no matter what happens. BTW, this is excellent: http://momentsofexploration.blogspot.com/2011/05/flow-trends.html
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